After a few weeks of total denial and frustration I feel much better today.  The weather is back to being cool and crisp and that makes me happy.  Also I have been doing well on the working out so I feel better about that. 
  After my last post about making excuses I got up from my desk and went straight to the treadmill and had a fabulous workout. Then yesterday I repeated the process.  I am trying to work out earlier in the day (before Noon) so that when I go to eat I make better choices so as not to undo all the work that I have done so far that day.  The past two days that has worked.  Also the morning exercise seems to give me an boost for the whole day.  I feel like getting more things done the rest of the day.
  I have been wearing my FitBit...and that is helping me track my steps and calories burned.  I am trying to get in 5000 step before lunch.  I know it isn't much...but in the last few weeks it is sad to say that there were whole days where I didn't get to 5000 steps at all.  Sad.
  I have a goal in mind that I haven't mentioned to anyone.  I would like to do a 5k.  I haven't really made specific plans to do one yet.  Just would like to see.  I have started trying to run.  And let me tell you that is a laugh. I am starting out slow...but still trying to push myself.  There is alot of me to get moving and I don't want to strain or hurt anything.
  I realized in my time of self reflection that I was working out, but when it got tough I would stop, so this week I am making a plan before each workout and sticking to eat even it I thinks I can't do it.  I know it has only been two days but it seems to be working so far.   
  This week is working on the exercise...next week we are going to tackle the food..

Till Then,
EMP

Self Reflection...

It really stinks to not living the life you know you should be living.  That is where I am these days.  I know that my life should be so different from what it is.  I don't know what I can do to motivate myself to become the person that I want to be.  I am lazy.  I never thought of myself as lazy until recently.  I have been doing some deep and critical looking  back at my life and myself and I am not proud of what I see.  I don't like myself much.  I have lots going for me, but because of this one aspect of my life that I can't gain control of I feel like such a loser.
  I don't know what I don't work out.  I am fortunate enough to be able to stay home.  I have all the equipment  I could ever need.  All the time in the day.  I am just lazy.  I know that working out makes me feel better.  I know what if I would just do it then i would have more energy.  I know all this..but it still doesn't get me off my butt and on the treadmill everyday.  I always talk myself out of working out.  I need to figure out how to talk myself  INTO working out.  I know all the reasons I should be working out.  I know how I should be eating.  I just don't do it.  I don't know what it is going to take to to get me to where I should be.  I am scared about what that might be.

EMP

Bad Idea!

So I recently took a mental health day...well that turned out to be a very bad idea!  I haven't come back from the break yet.  My eating is awful. My working out is non-existent, but the guilt is extreme which just leads me to more eating. It is a horrible never ending cycle it seems.  I wake up every morning with the best of intentions.  They seems to last until breakfast. Then they are out the window.  I have so many excuses why I don't what to do the right things.  I have great reason TO DO the right things.  But my laziness seems to always win out.  I can make things work for about a week before it goes to crap! I just have to keep plugging away...I will...But right now I am throwing myself a good ole pity party!

EMP

I had a busy busy busy weekend so I decided to take a mental health day.  That was not a good idea.  I feel guilty..and I seems to be wanting to eat everything in sight.  I know better, but I just really needed a break.  Tomorrow will be better...it has to be.

EMP

Angry....

The first few days of trying to eat better really suck. I am so hungry all the time. I know that I am eating what I should be and I know that it is my body trying to get used to eating right...but it still sucks. I am cranky and grouchy and angry. I want to be able to eat what I want, but I know that is just not going to happen. I makes me so mad. I hate being fat. I hate it so much. I just hope I hate it enough to actually be able to do something about it finally...

Last time starting over....for real this time.

I started over again on August 1st...

So I am doing pretty good.  Last week I worked out everyday for at least 50 minutes.  I am trying to hit 1000 minutes a month of exercise. It is hard to do 50 minutes a day.  So I am banking my minutes.  On the days that I am feeling it...I go over the 50 minutes so that on the days I am hurting I don't have to go so long.  It worked well the first week.  I worked out 259 minutes.  That is 9 minutes over what I need per week...and that wasn't counting the stuff I did on the weekends.  My Hubby says weekend workouts are just bonus.

Whatever I am doing is working.  For the first weigh in I lost 7 pounds.  Very happy with that.

For today I have already do 20 minutes and am getting ready for the next 30ish...we will see how far we get...I hope to bank a few for the rest of the week.  I know that I have some things going on on Friday that will take up time for the working out.  So I need to get ahead of the week now.

Off to hit the bike...

Till then...

EMP

Something has got to give...

That is all I can think right now.  Something HAS go to give in my life.  I really don't know why things are so crazy right now.  I don't know if it is me having some health issues, having too much to do and not enough time, or just being lazy.  There is plenty of time in the day to do things...I just don't feel like doing them.
 I have been having some foot pain that is making it hard to walk, but really that is just a good excuse I am using not to do anything...I know I need to go get it checked out..and I will..I just really hate Doctors. It seems like I have been going to see one at least every other week recently and I just can't take it anymore.
  It think that maybe one health issue might have worked itself out over the last few days so that is nice, but still I am stressed about it not being as worked out as I think.
   Too much stuff keep rattling around in my head.  I know I am not making much sense...but it is helping me to kinds just throw everything out there..
 I have started working out again, hence the whole pain in the foot being an issue, so at least that is good.  I have two new workout Game for the Wii...I did one yesterday and love it.  I am hoping this is what I need to get that kick start again...I know I have said all this before. I have gained so much weight in the last few months is isn't funny.  It is scary to me and I hope that this time I can actually do this.  I am really scared about what might happen to me if I don't do it this time.

As I said something has got to give...I need a break...I need something fantastic to happen to help boost my spirits!

Going to go work out...

Until then...

EMP

Sleepy....

Today is going ok.  I am so Tired....I could just fall asleep.  I was sleeping so go when that stupid alarm when off. Oh well.  Lots to do today and for the next few weeks.  After that I really hope that things clam down a little 2011 has started off with too much activities.  It is really been busy and the days are just flying by.  I can't believe it.  Oh well. 

Anyways off to get things done.

Til then,
EMP

One of those days....

I am having one of those days.  You know those days where things just don't seem to be happening the way you plan.  Well that is me today.  I don't really know when things got off track but the are.  I am just kinda sitting around staring off into space and just plain not doing anything. I have no energy no get up and go.  I don't even want to watch t.v.  It really sad, because life is pretty good these days.  I just feel like I am going trough the motions, and not really enjoying it.

I have been battling some type of bug for a few weeks and that has left me tired and cranky.  It seems like this bug got into my system at Christmas and isn't let me go yet.  Every time I start to feel better it attacks again and knocks me down.

It feels like nothing is getting done around my house unless I do it.  I just don't have to will to get things done right now, but I also hate living in the cluttered mess that my home has become.

I did start working out again at the first of the year.  It is going ok.  Even being sick I try to get on the treadmill or bike.  I am enjoying the working out more because we now have a T.V. in our work out room so I am more entertained while working out.  That has helped so much so I am very happy about that.  I just need to get better and have life settle down a bit so I can get into a good routine. 

I guess I just need to settle into a routine.  That would make me happy.  Right now things are just so busy and I hate that I feel like I am running around like crazy and never getting anything done.

Things will get better I do believe that.  I just hope they get better soon...

Til then...
EMP