Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Where to begin?

     I haven't posted in a LONG time.  I know this.  I have been struggling so much for months now.  It seems like any little thing puts me off the right path these days.  I am always saying I will start eating better and working out on  "x day" but then that day comes and it is so much easier to eat the wrong things and find stupid reasons not to work out. 
     What sucks the most is I know what I should be doing.  I am just choosing not to do the right things.  I know that I feel better when I am eating right and exercising.   Am I that lazy?  I guess for the past few month the answer is yes. I am that lazy. 
    I know it is really stupid to try to start eating better befor the Holidays but here I am trying.  I really hope this isn't just a way for me to set myself up for failure, but I feel like I can't wait another day.
   So why now.  Well let me tell ya.  I went shopping last week and everywhere you look there are these cute boots...and you know what I can't wear any of them.  My calves are too fat for the boot trend.  That was so demoralizing.  Even boots with "wide Calf" don't fit me.   So what am I gonna do...
   Well I went  grocery shopping today.  I bought healthy foods.  (lost of veggies and fish and chicken)  I came home and made my breakfast for this week (cause if I didn't do it now I would just go for the toast and peanut butter or cheese).  And the whole time I am thinking this really sucks.  I wish I knew why it was such a struggle for me to lose weight when I see other people eating what ever they want and never gaining a pound.  So I had my self a pity party and good cry and came up here to type. 
  The next step is to go dig out my treadmill and elliptical.  That way when it is time to work out there will be one less excuse as to why I can't.  I have to find a way to stop the excuses. 
    As I sit here, weigh the most I ever had in my life.  I hope and pray that this is the last time I say that.  I have had success in the past.  I just need to have success in the future!

Till then...


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