It has been a long time since I have posted. I started this blog for me and my issues with weight. Well nothing has changed. I am still over weight and still trying to change that and still failing.
It is hard to say that, because I know everything that I should be doing I just don't do it. I have to figure out why. Losing weight isn't easy. It is hard work and I guess I am just not good at hard work. I am lazy. I know that. I can see it in my everyday life. I would rather sit on my couch and watch tv or read then get up and move. I have no self motivation. I have low self esteem and very little self worth these days. I hate feeling like a failure all the time.
I have everything I need in my house to succeeded. I just don't use it. I have a rowing machine, a treadmill, a stationary bike and an elliptical. But most of the time they just sit there gathering dust. For example as I sit here typing I am in my workout clothes and I know even being ready to go right into the exercise room there is a 85% chance I will never go it there, and that is bad!
I am starting to have some medical issues due to weight. I have had high blood pressure for a while now, but now my blood sugar levels are creeping up. How has this not scared me enough to get working out? Oh it did for about a week. After that nothing.
I have a decent life. I have people who love me. They want and need me to be here for them. I just don't really love myself. I have to find that love for me again. I want to feel good about myself. I and good a faking being ok. I would like to be ok. I would like to have the energy to go and do more things.
I was hoping that writing this all out and seeing it in print would help me. I need to do some serious soul searching the next few days....