After a few weeks of total denial and frustration I feel much better today.  The weather is back to being cool and crisp and that makes me happy.  Also I have been doing well on the working out so I feel better about that. 
  After my last post about making excuses I got up from my desk and went straight to the treadmill and had a fabulous workout. Then yesterday I repeated the process.  I am trying to work out earlier in the day (before Noon) so that when I go to eat I make better choices so as not to undo all the work that I have done so far that day.  The past two days that has worked.  Also the morning exercise seems to give me an boost for the whole day.  I feel like getting more things done the rest of the day.
  I have been wearing my FitBit...and that is helping me track my steps and calories burned.  I am trying to get in 5000 step before lunch.  I know it isn't much...but in the last few weeks it is sad to say that there were whole days where I didn't get to 5000 steps at all.  Sad.
  I have a goal in mind that I haven't mentioned to anyone.  I would like to do a 5k.  I haven't really made specific plans to do one yet.  Just would like to see.  I have started trying to run.  And let me tell you that is a laugh. I am starting out slow...but still trying to push myself.  There is alot of me to get moving and I don't want to strain or hurt anything.
  I realized in my time of self reflection that I was working out, but when it got tough I would stop, so this week I am making a plan before each workout and sticking to eat even it I thinks I can't do it.  I know it has only been two days but it seems to be working so far.   
  This week is working on the exercise...next week we are going to tackle the food..

Till Then,
EMP

Self Reflection...

It really stinks to not living the life you know you should be living.  That is where I am these days.  I know that my life should be so different from what it is.  I don't know what I can do to motivate myself to become the person that I want to be.  I am lazy.  I never thought of myself as lazy until recently.  I have been doing some deep and critical looking  back at my life and myself and I am not proud of what I see.  I don't like myself much.  I have lots going for me, but because of this one aspect of my life that I can't gain control of I feel like such a loser.
  I don't know what I don't work out.  I am fortunate enough to be able to stay home.  I have all the equipment  I could ever need.  All the time in the day.  I am just lazy.  I know that working out makes me feel better.  I know what if I would just do it then i would have more energy.  I know all this..but it still doesn't get me off my butt and on the treadmill everyday.  I always talk myself out of working out.  I need to figure out how to talk myself  INTO working out.  I know all the reasons I should be working out.  I know how I should be eating.  I just don't do it.  I don't know what it is going to take to to get me to where I should be.  I am scared about what that might be.

EMP

Something has got to give...

That is all I can think right now.  Something HAS go to give in my life.  I really don't know why things are so crazy right now.  I don't know if it is me having some health issues, having too much to do and not enough time, or just being lazy.  There is plenty of time in the day to do things...I just don't feel like doing them.
 I have been having some foot pain that is making it hard to walk, but really that is just a good excuse I am using not to do anything...I know I need to go get it checked out..and I will..I just really hate Doctors. It seems like I have been going to see one at least every other week recently and I just can't take it anymore.
  It think that maybe one health issue might have worked itself out over the last few days so that is nice, but still I am stressed about it not being as worked out as I think.
   Too much stuff keep rattling around in my head.  I know I am not making much sense...but it is helping me to kinds just throw everything out there..
 I have started working out again, hence the whole pain in the foot being an issue, so at least that is good.  I have two new workout Game for the Wii...I did one yesterday and love it.  I am hoping this is what I need to get that kick start again...I know I have said all this before. I have gained so much weight in the last few months is isn't funny.  It is scary to me and I hope that this time I can actually do this.  I am really scared about what might happen to me if I don't do it this time.

As I said something has got to give...I need a break...I need something fantastic to happen to help boost my spirits!

Going to go work out...

Until then...

EMP

Treadmill...

Just spent some quality time with the treadmill.  That was interesting after a long time apart.  So for day on,going along with the slow and steady concept,  I did a mile in 23 minutes.  Not too shabby.  Not too great.  While on the treadmill I did set my first exercise goal.  I want to do a mile in 20 minutes.  I think that is very manageable.  Once I hit that one, I will set a new one.  Slow and Steady. 

Untill then.
EMP

Trying,,,,,Failing....

Still Trying to get over this Crud that I have.  It has been hanging in there for a while now.  Not fun at all.  I get tired just walking to the mailbox.  While it is hanging in I have no energy to do anything.  I and starting to get into a funk, and that makes me eat more than I should.  It is a hideous cycle that I can't seem to break.  Every time I feel like I am making some headway something else comes up to mess we up.  There is so much that I wish I could do that I just can't because the weight is holding me back, but I just really can't seems to shake it.  It has been with me most of my life and I feel like it will always be with me.  I don't want to be like this.  I know it isn't good for me.  I know I need to lose weight.  I know.  I just can't seem to do.  And it is so frustrating.  I know all the right things to do.  I know what I shouldn't be eating.  I know I should be getting more exercise.  But is just isn't happening.  There is a huge difference between knowing that to do and actually doping it.  I have the knowing part down pat.  And I can do the doing part for a little while.  I just really want the whole trying to lose weight thing to be done.  It is all that I have been trying to do for years, and I feel like such a failure!  When all you do is fail, It gets even harder to try!

I Just want this one thing.  Everything else in my life is pretty good.  I Just want to lose weight.  I just need to stop trying...and do...

Til Then,
EMP

Very Excited!

Just a really quick post to say that today I ran on the Treadmill for half a mile.  I was so excited..and shocked.  I was slowly adding more running time on to my mile..but had no thought about trying to go for a whole half mile yet...but it just kinda happened and I couldn't be more pleased.  My times on both the bike and the treadmill are going down steadily.  It is so exciting!  I will come back later and post my times for the past few weeks.  Can't wait to do a weigh in next week and see how the scale is going..

Till then..

EMP

going good...for a change..

Just got done with todays working out.  I am doing pretty good.  This new plan seems to be working.  I am done working out in the morning...and that leaves the rest of the day.  I haven't yet hit the point where working out gives me all this energy, but I am hoping that happens soon.

I thought I would post the past week Times..

Treadmill Mile times.
Tuesday 21:20
Wen. 19:29
Thursday 19:09
Friday 19:12
Saturday I took the day off..
Sun18:42
Monday 18:09
They are getting better and better.  It is really nice to see those times going down.

Bike Five miles time
Tues. 17:45
Wen. 17:25
Thur. 17:45
Fri 16:05
Saturday and sunday Off
Mon.  16:18
These are staying consistent.  It is hard to pedal faster.  I am working on it..

I did a weekly weigh in and the scale hasn't changed. I am trying not to let it get to me.  I see the mile times changing and that makes me happy for now. I have to trust that at some point that will start showing up on the scale too.
I have been writing down all my food..and that is no fun.  It is sad for me to realize what a portion size on some food actually is.  It is smaller than you would think.  I only had one day where I was really hungry.  Anyways that is where I am right now. 

Time to relax and Listen to some good music.  I love the Zac Brown Band!

Something new..

So I started something new today.   I was on the treadmill first thing this morning.  I was hoping to get mostly done before I woke up..and you know what...it worked.  I was about half way done before I was all the way awake.  That was kinda nice.  I am only doing  a mile first thing in the morning.  So today I did that mile in 21:20. I am going to keep track of my mile times and keep working on getting it faster.

Also today I did five miles on the exercise bike. I did that in 17:45, and then kept going at a slower pace to equal 20 minutes total..  As with the treadmill mile I am going to be working on getting that five miles faster and on hard levels. 

For some reason thinking in the short times makes me feel like I am not working out much at all.  But I am doing at least 20 minutes on each piece of equipment.

I am going to add 20 minutes with my Wii once I get new batteries for the remotes.

I am really hoping these short intrevals will help me reach my big goals. 

On the eating front..I have gone back to measuring out my food.  I was doing really good when I took the time to measure it out.  So we will see if that helps again this time.  I am also writing everything thing done in my GoWear fit prgram.  I have started wearing my armband again and I remember how motiviating it was wearting it.

I went to the Doctor the other day and with the help of the meds my blood pressure was good.  Now I just need to drop some pounds so I can get off the medicine.

Here is to hoping all this will stick this time..

Untill then..

EMP

Progeress

For a change...no news is good news. I am actually doing well...really well. I have lots 10 pounds in two weeks. I am so pumped. It hasn't been easy..but I am doing it. I have been working out really hard, and eating better. Still need to work on the eating, but slowly it is getting there. I still have days when I just eat the wrong stuff. And I know I am eating the wrong stuff...and I really don't care.

I love my armband. It has really helped me see that I wasn't moving around during the day as much as I thought. I find myself doing laps around inside my house just to get more movement in. I fell guilty if I am sitting still. I love having the instant data about how many calories I am burning versus how many I am eating.

Goals for this week.

1. Work out everyday-introduce even more running on the treadmill.
2. Eat Better-don't go over the calorie allotment for the day.
3. Reach 5000 steps at least a day.
4. Lose 4 pounds!

Wish me Luck!

EMP

Doing well.....

Things are going good here. I am wearing my new GoWear armband and I totally love it. It has really helped to motivate me to move more. I love being able to plug it in and see my progress. I am even doing well logging my food, even if I am embarrassed about what I ate that day!

I am seeing a little movement on the scale and that makes me really happy! I will take any movement in the right direction. I am not wanting things to go fast. I know that slow and steady wins the race and I am in for a marathon. But I really am hopeful that it is going to happened this time.

On the other side of life...things are stressful so it is hard not to comfort eat. We are getting ready to make a huge move and we don't have too much time to get everything together. Me and stress don't get along that well. So the next few months are really going to be a test of my will power. I am really lucky to have a husband that will do anything for me, and he wants the best for me so I know he will be there with me every step of the way. He is even eating healthier foods. They haven't all be that tasty, but he is trying them all with me..and I love him for that.

I guess that is about all for now...

Wish me Luck...

EMP

Keep Moving....

That is my new motto. I wore my GoWear yesterday. I LOVE IT! I didn't wear it today because I need I bigger band for it. Yes I have big arms. I have ordered a new band for it..and I hope it will be here next week. Then I will be good to go.

I have enjoyed logging my food...well I did until I got to the end of the day and actually so how many calories I ate. OPPS...really need to work on that. It was very bad! I am going to sit down this weekend and really plan my eating for next week. I want to get some better for you snacks in the house. I have a few new cook books to go through that are Healthy cookbooks..so that is exciting..I love to try new meals.

I worked out with my Wii yesterday..and boy was I sore today. I loved it. I miss being sore because I know it means I did something yesterday!

I tried to ride my exercise bike...but my feet were hurting...they have never hurt on the bike before...so I think it was left over from the Wii..because you don't wear shoes on the Wii Fit board. Anyways...at least I did something so that made me happy.

I will be back on the Wii Fit board tomorrow...and we will see how it goes..


till then...

EMP

Off the wagon....but still trying...

I am so far off the wagon...that I can't even see it in the distance. Yes I am back...and Yes I am going to try this again. I am going to do my best to catch up to the wagon and Jump back on with both feet.

I have been super busy the past few months, and even though things don't seem to be calming down I have to do something about my health. I am now on blood pressure medicine, and I don't really like it. I know that it is what I need to do for me. But it still makes me angry. I think it has helped. I was feeling dizzy and light headed sometimes, but since taking the medicine that has gone away. I am going to a blood pressure check tomorrow so I am hoping for good news.

The bad news is the past few weeks I have gained about 5 pounds. We were on vacation and it is really hard to eat right and exercise while on vacation. Not that it is over I am back to working out. And eating better.

I have a new tool to help me. I splurged and bought the GoWearfit armband. It will help monitor my activity and calories burned. With the help of the website I will also be logging my food again. That is scary for me. I am going to try not to cheat, which I have done in the past. I will make a pledge to log everything I eat...no cheating.

I thought I was serious about this before. But I guess I wasn't as serious as I thought. I really want to do this now because I don't want to be a slave to medicine for the rest of my life. There is so much I want to do and I know that my weight and self esteem is holding me back. I can't let that happened anymore. I owe it to my Husband, but most importantly I owe it to myself to be the best I can be.

Wish me Luck!

EMP

The Chia Seeds have Arriaved!

I finally got my Chia Seeds yesterday, and started taking them immediately! I think I am going to like them. It seemed to take a while for them to 'kick in' or fill up in my belly. But once they did I was never really hungry. I have to learn that just because food is on the table doesn't mean I have to eat it all. I ate a bit too much at dinner last night and boy was my tummy aching after a little while. I did better at breakfast today to limit the food I was going to eat. I was still full but ate about half of what I normally would. That was nice. I ate breakfast about four hours ago and don't feel the least bit hungry right now. It is a nice feeling..different but nice. I hope this is really going to be the jumping off point for me. I just need that little boost to get me on my way.

Things in my life are stressful right now. I know my blood pressure is high so I really hope I can gt this weight to start coming off to help that. It is almost to the point where I need to see the dreaded Doctor to get some blood pressure meds to help me out while I try to let the seeds do their magic (they are also full of all kinds of goodness to help with blood pressure).

Anyway I have taken my day one weight and will let you know when things start moving in the right direction. Hopefully it will be soon. I really need this right now. I really need something to go right in my world!

EMP

Here we go again,

I have a fridge full of fruits and Veggies, and I plan of attack for this weeks eating. I am feeling pretty good about it all. Things are still busy around here. Just had some family leave...and are getting ready for more to show up. I have to keep up with the working out along with all the other stuff that is going on.

My Asthma has been acting lately. My breathing is not so good. I have gain a big chunk of weight with this last set of company and that isn't good for me. It seems like the weight settles on my lungs making it hard to breathe which makes it hard to feel like doing anything. Hopefully it will all get better soon.

I think my body is revolting on me these days. It seems like there are alot of little things that keep going wrong. At some point I am going to have to decided if I want to brave a trip to the Doctor to try to get some help, but it really never seems like a good time to go. I keep hoping that it is all just the stress of life right now, and that when life calms down it will get better. The only problem is it doesn't look like that is going to happen anytime soon.

I am just trying to take things one day at a time. That is all I can really do right now.

EMP

Day Five, Time for the Why Now...

So the question of the day is why now? Why have I started this whole blog about getting healthy now. Well the answer is simple.

A few months ago I had a health scare. I ended up in the emergency room with chest pains. I am only 30 years old..that should not be happening to me. Thankfully all the test came back ok. When I had a follow up visit with my primary care Doctor I was informed that my blood pressure was on the high side. He gave me a few weeks to diet and exercise to see if I can't bring it down with out medicines. So it has not been a few months..and I am afraid to go back and see him again (stupid I know) but I didn't do what I was supposed to do. Even knowing that my health was at risk didn't kick my butt into gear and get the whole workout thing going like I should. How stupid am I?

So that is part of why I decided to blog. I feel that if I put my intentions out in the cyber space it will help me do what I need to do. I don't want to be stupid and not lose weight and have something happened to me that I can prevent. I don't want to leave my husband. I want to grow old with him.

Thankfully I have a hugely supportive husband. He loves me the way I am, but knows that I really don't like myself this way. We are going to work on this together. That will help me, because I never want to let him down.

So that is why I want to do this. I have tried so many times, but I have never even told anyone that I was trying so that if I failed they wouldn't know.

Tomorrow starts the big change. I have already started working out everyday, but tomorrow will start the better eating and the more exercise. Also on this lovely blog tomorrow I will outline what my goals are for working out everyday. I have to be held accountable. I know I can do it this time. It feels different for some reason.

EMP

Day Three...

Here we are on Day Three of this thrilling Blog. So I think I am going to treat this blog like therapy. Anything I have on my chest I am going to get it off here. The biggest topic these days for me is weight loss. I know fun topic, but it is true. I have issues, BIG issues, and I think (I hope) I am ready to finally deal with them.

I have done the weight loss things a few times. I am hoping this will be the last time I start trying to lose weight. About a year ago I did really well and lost about 40 pounds in 4 months. Not too shabby, but since then I have gain about 15 or so of that back. I don't mind the working out part. I just have issues with the whole eating right thing. I love food, and I love to cook. I have a Husband that loves to eat the food that I cook. So I have to figure out how to cook healthier meals that we both like to eat and to eat smaller portions of the foods that aren't so good. I have read many books on what I should and shouldn't be doing. Now I just have to start doing it. That really is the hardest part the actual doing of the right things. It is really hard to give up the way I eat now. I love all the foods I cook, I mean if I didn't why would I waste my time to cook them.

Since I started rambling about food, I guess I will talk about the foods that I just don't need to keep in my house. If there are here...I will eat them..too much of them. So here is a list...

1. Peanut Butter- I love this stuff. I can eat it out of the jar with a spoon! I love to toast some bread and just eat Peanut butter and bread. My hubby finally figured this out..and I am happy to report that I have been off the butter for two months now, and yes I miss it.

2. Bread- I am a breadaholic. If there is bread in the house..I will eat it. I do try to get the healthy bread..so that is a good thing, it is kinda surprising that my hubby hasn't asked why we run out of bread so fast.

3. Mayo-I know I know..it is really bad for you. But I LOVE me some Mayo. Like the Peanut butter I can slather it on the before mentioned bread and eat just Mayo and bread. I know..it is SOOO wrong..but I really can't seem to stop myself. I need to ditch the Mayo. I really do.

4. Chocolate- I really don't keep much in my house so that is a good thing. We do eat mostly Dark Chocolate, which is better for you. That isn't too bad I guess.

5. Cheese- I love cheese, all types of cheese. I love cheese on bread with Mayo (See a pattern here?)

I guess there are my Top five go to when I need a food fix. When I lost that weight a year ago, I didn't have any of those things in my house. If it wasn't here I didn't eat it. I have a really hard time with self control. I get a craving in my head and that is all I think about until I eat whatever it is I am craving. It doesn't matter how much other food I eat, until I eat the food I am craving I will still think I am hungry (told you I have issues).

So see, I need to figure out some things, and I am hoping that talking them out will help me. In the next few days I will explain why now. And get into goal and dreams.

Thanks for Listening...

EMP