After a few weeks of total denial and frustration I feel much better today.  The weather is back to being cool and crisp and that makes me happy.  Also I have been doing well on the working out so I feel better about that. 
  After my last post about making excuses I got up from my desk and went straight to the treadmill and had a fabulous workout. Then yesterday I repeated the process.  I am trying to work out earlier in the day (before Noon) so that when I go to eat I make better choices so as not to undo all the work that I have done so far that day.  The past two days that has worked.  Also the morning exercise seems to give me an boost for the whole day.  I feel like getting more things done the rest of the day.
  I have been wearing my FitBit...and that is helping me track my steps and calories burned.  I am trying to get in 5000 step before lunch.  I know it isn't much...but in the last few weeks it is sad to say that there were whole days where I didn't get to 5000 steps at all.  Sad.
  I have a goal in mind that I haven't mentioned to anyone.  I would like to do a 5k.  I haven't really made specific plans to do one yet.  Just would like to see.  I have started trying to run.  And let me tell you that is a laugh. I am starting out slow...but still trying to push myself.  There is alot of me to get moving and I don't want to strain or hurt anything.
  I realized in my time of self reflection that I was working out, but when it got tough I would stop, so this week I am making a plan before each workout and sticking to eat even it I thinks I can't do it.  I know it has only been two days but it seems to be working so far.   
  This week is working on the exercise...next week we are going to tackle the food..

Till Then,
EMP

Self Reflection...

It really stinks to not living the life you know you should be living.  That is where I am these days.  I know that my life should be so different from what it is.  I don't know what I can do to motivate myself to become the person that I want to be.  I am lazy.  I never thought of myself as lazy until recently.  I have been doing some deep and critical looking  back at my life and myself and I am not proud of what I see.  I don't like myself much.  I have lots going for me, but because of this one aspect of my life that I can't gain control of I feel like such a loser.
  I don't know what I don't work out.  I am fortunate enough to be able to stay home.  I have all the equipment  I could ever need.  All the time in the day.  I am just lazy.  I know that working out makes me feel better.  I know what if I would just do it then i would have more energy.  I know all this..but it still doesn't get me off my butt and on the treadmill everyday.  I always talk myself out of working out.  I need to figure out how to talk myself  INTO working out.  I know all the reasons I should be working out.  I know how I should be eating.  I just don't do it.  I don't know what it is going to take to to get me to where I should be.  I am scared about what that might be.

EMP

Bad Idea!

So I recently took a mental health day...well that turned out to be a very bad idea!  I haven't come back from the break yet.  My eating is awful. My working out is non-existent, but the guilt is extreme which just leads me to more eating. It is a horrible never ending cycle it seems.  I wake up every morning with the best of intentions.  They seems to last until breakfast. Then they are out the window.  I have so many excuses why I don't what to do the right things.  I have great reason TO DO the right things.  But my laziness seems to always win out.  I can make things work for about a week before it goes to crap! I just have to keep plugging away...I will...But right now I am throwing myself a good ole pity party!

EMP

I had a busy busy busy weekend so I decided to take a mental health day.  That was not a good idea.  I feel guilty..and I seems to be wanting to eat everything in sight.  I know better, but I just really needed a break.  Tomorrow will be better...it has to be.

EMP

Angry....

The first few days of trying to eat better really suck. I am so hungry all the time. I know that I am eating what I should be and I know that it is my body trying to get used to eating right...but it still sucks. I am cranky and grouchy and angry. I want to be able to eat what I want, but I know that is just not going to happen. I makes me so mad. I hate being fat. I hate it so much. I just hope I hate it enough to actually be able to do something about it finally...