Long time.....

It has been a long time since I have posted.  I started this blog for me and my issues with weight.  Well nothing has changed.  I am still over weight and still trying to change that and still failing. 

 It is hard to say that, because I know everything that I should be doing I just don't do it.  I have to figure out why.  Losing weight isn't easy.  It is hard work and I guess I am  just not good at hard work.  I am lazy.  I know that.  I can see it in my everyday life.  I would rather sit on my couch and watch tv or read then get up and move.  I have no self motivation.  I have low self esteem and very little self worth these days.  I hate feeling like a failure all the time. 

 I have everything I need in my house to succeeded.  I just don't use it.  I have a rowing machine, a treadmill, a stationary bike and an elliptical.  But most of the time they just sit there gathering dust.  For example as I sit here typing I am in my workout clothes and I know even being ready to go right into the exercise room there is a 85% chance I will never go it there, and that is bad!

 I am starting to have some medical issues due to weight.  I have had high blood pressure for a while now, but now my blood sugar levels are creeping up.  How has this not scared me enough to get working out?  Oh it did for about a week.  After that nothing. 

I have a decent life.  I have people who love me.  They want and need me to be here for them.  I just don't really love myself.  I have to find that love for me again.  I want to feel good about myself.  I  and good a faking being ok.  I would like to be ok.  I would like to have the energy to go and do more things. 

I was hoping that writing this all out and seeing it in print would help me.  I need to do some serious soul searching the next few days....


'Till then...
EMP

35 by 35....

That is my mantra these days!


I will be turning 35 in July and I want to have lost the first 35 pounds by then.  I know I can do it.  I am more determined than ever.  I know I haven't posted in a while but I have been doing really well.  I recommitted to this process about a month ago and things have been going good.  I still have those days when I  can't seem to stop eating, but instead of just giving up I get right back on the treadmill the next day.  I have seen steady progress in the right direction. I have lost about 7ish pounds so far.  So pleased.

I finally figured out something that would make me want to get on the treadmill every day.  I picked out a t.v show that I only watch while I walk.  The key is finding a show that you become addicted to, for me that was the Vampire Diaries.  I stated watching from the beginning and I was instantly hooked. I want to see a new episode everyday, and to do that I HAVE to get on the treadmill. The show really makes 45 minutes fly by. 

I am also trying to get up and do more around the house.  I stated mowing the yard with a push mower, that is a great workout and it feels good to see the yard look nice when I am done. 

I am making decent food choices.  Still struggling with how to cook for me and my husband.  I do really well during the week, but still blow it on the weekends.  I am working on it.  It is a slow process. 

Still loving my Fitbit and my new Fitbit Aria scale.  That stupid scale won't let me cheat.  Whatever I weigh goes straight to my Fitbit  Program!  It is nice to be kept honest!

Anyways I guess that is it for now.

I hope I can post more and have more positive post!

'Till then,
EMP

Been Pluggin' along....

Well Christmas came and went....

New Years Came and went...

Here I am again...finally.

Christmas wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.  I tried really hard to be good.  And I feel like I did well.  But then the laziness set it.  I am trying to shake that off right now.  It is hard to get motivated these days.  I am so lazy.  I am lazy with my eating. I am lazy with my working out.  I am just plain lazy...hey at least I am honest!


So time to get rid of the lazies!  Time to really plan my meals (I actually started making better meal choices this week)  Time to get moving.

I am excited  because this time I have a partner in crime.  Someone who is also trying to get healthy.  She is motivating me with her efforts and results. 

We shall see how it goes..

Till then...

EMP

So happy...

I am so happy with my progress, But aslo so worried about Christmas Time.  Our family celebrations start on Saturday and won't end until Christmas Day.  That is a lot of days of crazy Christmas foods!  I know I won't be able to eat like I have been the last two week, I just hope I find the strength in me to not over eat by too much.  I have lost 9 pounds in two weeks and I really don't want to undo that work.    I am going to enlist the hubby to help me try to stay on track at Christmas. Hopefully between both of us I don't cause too much damage to my progress. 
   I am actually looking forward to starting working out again when we are done with Christmas.  I feel like I am getting a handle on eating right and want to start adding in some walking.  I am taking baby steps this time in hopes that I will be able to complete this journey.  

Merry Christmas all!

Till Then,
EMP

Small Victory...

Today I went out to run some errands.  I just happened to be out at lunch time.  My Small Victory was not stopping at some fast food joint and picking up a burger.  I came home and ate my Salad like a good girl!

For me that is a huge victory...but for most a small.

I am proud of  me.  

Till then...
EMP

One Week Down...

     Well Week one of better eating was a success.  I lost 5 pounds this week just by making changes in my diet and couldn't be more thrilled.   It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.  I think it is because I didn't exercise this week just started eating less.  I think one of the things in the past that has been hard was starting dieting and exercise all at the same time.  This time I have decided to get my body used to eating less before I add the exercise.  What used to happen with starting both at the same time is that I would be starving because I wasn't used to eating few calories on top of burning all the extra ones.  It made for one cranky girl!

    I am still trying to figure out how to eat better on the weekends.  It hard when the hubby is home all day to make good choices.  We normally only eat two meals each day on the weekends.  A big breakfast and then an early dinner, now I just have to learn to make better choices in those meals.

   Christmas is next week and we are off to do the Family thing which means lots of food and fun.  I am hopefully that I can find some control somewhere in myself to make good choices. 

Wish Me Luck..cause I am gonna need it!


Merry Christmas!

Till then,
EMP

Where to begin?

     I haven't posted in a LONG time.  I know this.  I have been struggling so much for months now.  It seems like any little thing puts me off the right path these days.  I am always saying I will start eating better and working out on  "x day" but then that day comes and it is so much easier to eat the wrong things and find stupid reasons not to work out. 
     What sucks the most is I know what I should be doing.  I am just choosing not to do the right things.  I know that I feel better when I am eating right and exercising.   Am I that lazy?  I guess for the past few month the answer is yes. I am that lazy. 
    I know it is really stupid to try to start eating better befor the Holidays but here I am trying.  I really hope this isn't just a way for me to set myself up for failure, but I feel like I can't wait another day.
   So why now.  Well let me tell ya.  I went shopping last week and everywhere you look there are these cute boots...and you know what I can't wear any of them.  My calves are too fat for the boot trend.  That was so demoralizing.  Even boots with "wide Calf" don't fit me.   So what am I gonna do...
   Well I went  grocery shopping today.  I bought healthy foods.  (lost of veggies and fish and chicken)  I came home and made my breakfast for this week (cause if I didn't do it now I would just go for the toast and peanut butter or cheese).  And the whole time I am thinking this really sucks.  I wish I knew why it was such a struggle for me to lose weight when I see other people eating what ever they want and never gaining a pound.  So I had my self a pity party and good cry and came up here to type. 
  The next step is to go dig out my treadmill and elliptical.  That way when it is time to work out there will be one less excuse as to why I can't.  I have to find a way to stop the excuses. 
    As I sit here, weigh the most I ever had in my life.  I hope and pray that this is the last time I say that.  I have had success in the past.  I just need to have success in the future!


Till then...

EMP